Maddie

(Image courtesy of Maddie)

I’m Maddie, an English language assistant from the US. I live near Argüelles with four other American teachers. We’ve all been stuck together for the last few days and I think it’s beginning to take its toll on each of us in different ways. 

For me personally, yesterday came on like a wave of discomfort and uncertainty. It was the first time I’d really begun to understand the reality of the situation ahead of us. No getting out and walking around, minimal human interaction, a completely dismantled sense of routine, and the mere idea of a loss of independent freedoms got the best of me in the first round. I was feeling especially anxious. How was I going to spend all this seemingly infinite time? How was I going to nurture my body with limited physical activity and food options? How was I going to lift the crushing weight on my spirit? I consider myself to be an active person. Not that I’m particularly athletic or dedicated to a workout routine, but I’m always on the move. One job to the next, walking in place of public transportation whenever possible. I had actually just begun training for the Camino de Santiago when the situation in Spain started to spiral out of control. I’m already deeply missing my three plus hour walks around Parque del Oeste and hoping I can make up for lost time in my training schedule when we’re allowed outside once again. I’m also a total flower for the sun, spring keeps me in tank tops and birkenstocks while Spaniards continue to zip up their parkas. The lost time outdoors has certainly had the biggest impact on me so far.

I’ve tried to focus on reading and writing which I enjoy immensely, but it doesn’t quite bring the same joy when it’s being done to keep busy rather than out of sheer desire. I’ve been cleaning and cooking and completing oddball projects and FaceTiming friends in the states who are curious as to know the realities of the current epicenter of this pandemic. I spent the first 24hrs staying as occupied as possible without resorting to Netflix, yet. I know once I open that door, there will be no going back! 

As I went to sleep last night, promise to work harder to cultivate positive energy today. So this morning I woke up before the sun, watched it rise from my terrace, and did some guided yoga and meditation in my bedroom with my laptop angled to the floor. I wrote about my experience thus far and I shared it with my communities on social media. I tried to soak up the last of the sun’s warmth before the clouds returned. 

Today is certainly a new day and it’s better than the previous, but there is a long road ahead, and I’d be naive to ignore the lows that are still ahead. All I can do is focus on each day as it comes and try to be creative in practicing self-care and kindness to myself and everyone around me who is also struggling in these confusing times. Hope this is an ok start.

Hi Maddie thank you so much for your message that is amazing I really appreciate it! Thank you very much for sharing. The mental connotations of this experience is such a lot to handle and anticipate, but it sounds like you’re very aware and positive!

Could I ask you about how what differences you imagine post-isolation to be like? Do you think you will have learnt anything about yourself, or the people you are with? And what is your view on the societal impact of this endeavour?

Of course!!Great follow up questions.

I imagine I’ll come back with the cliché notion not to take such simple pleasures for granted. Fresh air, crowded streets, freedom and flexibility. I also imagine that I’ll take similar situations more seriously in the future. I definitely didn’t believe the magnitude of this when it first hit China, thinking it was a “them” problem and couldn’t possibly affect me. I definitely think there has sort of woken up my global mind-set and brought it back to life. I’m being very obviously reminded how a danger to any person is truly a danger to all of us. And I really genuinely hope this aspect will be the lasting impact of this whole pandemic. I hope that nations all over the world can see how important it is to look after one another and be conscious of effect their actions have on their neighbors. That really is my hope. But sadly, I fear an outcome we can be more certain of is the economical damage that will lie in the wake of this. Weeks of virtually everyone with no pay, businesses with no income, entire industries close for the first time in decades, I’m nervous to see how we in Spain and other countries that have suffered will recover. 

But, if we can learn like I hope, to be kinder to our communities, maybe they won’t be so difficult to rebuild together.